Shame - Practice Sheet

01 · Ready reckoner

The wiser way to meet shame

Four moves, in order. The whole practice on a single glance - return to it when you want to disappear.

1

Name the shame

It survives in silence. The moment you name it - “I feel shame right now” - its power drops.

“I feel shame right now.”

2

Separate the action from the self

“I did something bad” is guilt - useful. “I am bad” is shame - corrosive. Notice which story is running.

3

Offer yourself a friend’s words

Hand on your chest. What would you say to a friend who told you this? Say it to yourself.

4

Move toward connection

Shame wants you to hide. It cannot survive being spoken aloud to someone safe who meets it with empathy.

02 · Regulate first

In the moment

When intensity spikes, the thinking brain goes offline. Reset the body first - then the four steps above become possible.

When you want to disappear

I’m Having the Thought That…

Notice the verdict, then say it slowly with a prefix: I’m having the thought that I’m bad. Hear the small gap that opens up between you and the thought.

Shame works by fusing you to a verdict about yourself. The prefix turns it back into a passing thought, which loosens its grip just enough to stay in the room and turn toward one safe face.

03 · Go deeper

Try this

A practice for when you have a few minutes to yourself.

Loving-kindness for oneself

Place a hand on the chest if it helps, and offer yourself the same kindness you would offer someone you love who felt this way. See that the harsh verdict is neither the whole of you nor permanent. Practised regularly, meeting yourself with kindness becomes the easier habit.

04 · Reflect

Journal it

Three questions. Write into them by hand on the printed sheet, or type below - your words save on this device.

What’s the story shame is telling - “I did” or “I am”?

What would I say to a friend who confided this exact thing?

Who is one safe person I could let see this?