Lemon Dojo · Practice Sheet
Shame
The Quiet Retreat
A pocket guide for shame — naming it, softening toward yourself, and moving back toward connection.
01 · Ready reckoner
The wiser way to meet shame
Four moves, in order. The whole practice on a single glance — return to it when you want to disappear.
Name the shame
It survives in silence. The moment you name it — “I feel shame right now” — its power drops.
“I feel shame right now.”Separate the action from the self
“I did something bad” is guilt — useful. “I am bad” is shame — corrosive. Notice which story is running.
Offer yourself a friend’s words
Hand on your chest. What would you say to a friend who told you this? Say it to yourself.
Move toward connection
Shame wants you to hide. It cannot survive being spoken aloud to someone safe who meets it with empathy.
02 · Regulate first
In the moment
When intensity spikes, the thinking brain goes offline. Reset the body first — then the four steps above become possible.
When you want to disappear
One safe face
Hand on your chest, feel its warmth, and bring to mind one person who would still be kind if they knew.
Shame’s instinct is to hide. Even imagining one safe, empathic face begins to loosen its grip.
03 · Go deeper
Try this
A practice for when you have a few minutes to yourself.
Loving-Kindness for the Ashamed Self
3–5 minutes- 1
Sit comfortably. Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly.
- 2
Breathe slowly. Feel the warmth of your own hands.
- 3
Silently repeat: “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of being human. May I be kind to myself.”
- 4
If the words feel hollow, just stay with the warmth of your hands.
04 · Reflect
Journal it
Three questions. Write into them by hand on the printed sheet, or type below — your words save on this device.
What’s the story shame is telling — “I did” or “I am”?
What would I say to a friend who confided this exact thing?
Who is one safe person I could let see this?